literature

Bothering the Witch

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Bothering the Witch

Perfect. I couldn't help beaming as I poured the powdered snake legs into my cauldron, juggling the stirring rod in the same hand as the empty phial while I scanned the thick spell book intently. Now, all I needed was the fur of a familiar and I'd have my potion. Perfect.


I glanced around the cluttered hut I called home, squinting past the piles of worn books and shelves of ingredients for a certain cat. But even a witch can't find a cat that doesn't want to be found, and within minutes I was scowling bitterly as I called, "Leander! Get out here—hiding won't do anything but make me angry."


Moments later, my familiar slunk out from behind my collection of magic brooms. He sat down and casually began licking the fur that I needed for my potion, as if he'd intended to come out the entire time. Cats. Jeez.


"Are you quite finished bathing yourself?" I demanded, scowling. "Come up here; I need your fur."


Leander stretched, glancing at me with meticulous yellow eyes, "My… fur. You want to take some of my precious fur?" he asked slowly, turning away and casting a proud glance over his orange and black striped body. Cats were aloof at the best of times, but Leander had the ego of a pampered prince who'd been told how wonderful he was his entire life.


Which was fitting, since he used to be a prince before I turned him into a toy-sized Bengal tiger.


"Yes." Slightly annoyed that I was holding so many things at once, I threw the empty bottle over my shoulder, where it crashed into the wall and littered the floor with glass. Leander's ear twitched, and I could see him about to complain at the loud noise. I leveled a threatening stare at him, silently daring him to say something in protest.


Either Leander decided to let bygones be bygones or the glare I'd been giving him finally registered on his "approaching-fiery-death" meter, because he began a languid stroll forward with his tail high. When he reached the base of the large chair I was seated in, he leapt up swiftly, landing on the armrest and sighing heavily, "Just don't pull it out. Use the scissors."


Stupid cat. Why did I have to put up with this? Maleficent hadn't had to deal with snobbish cats when she'd been terminating that silly prince intent on rescuing Aurora.


Granted, she was dead now, but still.


When I'd cut a sufficient amount of fur, Leander jumped down and trotted off to survey the damage. I flicked the fur into my cauldron. The potion fizzled and turned a deep purple—a good sign, I'd say. Pleased, I stirred further, watching as it began to bubble. Just as I was about to recite the incantation that would complete the potion, a loud howl sounded at my door.


I felt like howling myself at the interruption. Instead, I scowled and said, "Get the door, Leander. If it isn't a prince out to kill me or a merchant prepared to pay a lot of money, you have permission to cut him to slivers."


Instantly Leander was at the door, sharpening his claws on the thick wood, "Finally, something interesting to do."


I kept stirring as he opened the door, though I refrained from reciting my incantation. An interrupted spell could be disastrous to my house. I expected Leander to chase whoever it was away—I didn't get many visitors and I had little patience for the ones who did come—but my familiar yowled and bolted behind a large stack of books, crying, "Dog!"


I rolled my eyes and put an enchantment on the stirring stick, instructing it to keep going while I took care of my new guest. Then I hopped down from the chair, walking to my front door and staring at the one who had scared Leander into the dusty maze of grimoires.


It was a dog… or a wolf, to be more precise. And just by the glimmer in its black eyes, I knew it was one of the intelligent ones. That was good; if a wolf came to my door, it'd better be able to give me a very quick explanation.


As I sized it up, it was staring at me with disbelief. Eventually, it realized I wasn't going to speak first, and it cleared its throat, "You're Kiandra?" It was an understandable statement. After a particularly troublesome battle with a wizard, I'd been transformed into a young child, barely thirteen in appearance. I hadn't been bothered enough to spend the time to find a counter spell.


I folded my arms and raised an eyebrow, "You have ten seconds to give me a reason as to why you're standing on my doorstep."


The wolf scowled, "Yep. You're her."


"Six."


"Okay, okay!" the wolf huffed. "It's Little Red Riding Hood."


For a moment I was intrigued.


The feeling passed quickly.


It continued, "I'm the wolf that's supposed to eat her, you know? That's my job—eating Little Reds. Only, this Red isn't obeying her role!"


Around here, people assumed storylines to get their happy ending. So, from the time a child was born, he might have the role of the heroic prince bent on killing the evil witch—like Leander's story, see how well that turned out—and work his entire life up to that moment, actually living out the life of a character from an old fairy tale. The whole thing was completely idiotic, in my opinion, so I'd taken it upon myself to ruin every storyline I came across.


"Shocker," I drawled. "It's amazing how, sometimes, humans actually learn from their mistakes."


The wolf snarled angrily, "She won't stray from the path. I practically wave those sickly-sweet flowers in front of her face and she just ignores me and keeps going! It's unnatural."


I examined my neatly-trimmed nails, half-wishing for my old body, with the crooked nose and hunch and warts. At least that body incited fear into the people I encountered. I actually have to work to terrify victims now that I look so cutely innocent.


"Are you even listening to me?" the wolf snapped its teeth together menacingly.


I shrugged a shoulder, "Not particularly, no. Go bother someone else with your problems."


"But I was told you would help me!"


That piqued my interest. I leaned forward and the wolf took an involuntary step back. I suppose this body wasn't so bad at scaring people. "Who told you?"


"I—I…" the wolf stuttered and Leander's satisfied laugh at the situation rang through my house. I shot a dirty glare inside, making a mental promise to cut off his tuna treats, before returning my attention to the wolf.


"Well?"


"It was Rapunzel!" the wolf's ears were flat against its skull. "I ran into her in the forest, and she told me where you were. She… she also said—" it stopped talking, watching my expression carefully, tail lowered between its legs.


I wasn't paying attention. Of course it was Rapunzel. I should have known she'd go about blabbing my location to anyone who needed a witch's help. What a hassle—I let her free of that tower, and she repays me by disrupting my peaceful retirement. Ungrateful child.


Leander cleared his throat, knocking me out of my reverie and informing me that although he was well hidden now, he was still curious to see what I'd do about the wolf. I redirected my attention to the animal on my doorstep, "What else did she say?" I demanded sharply, wondering if turning it into a frog would save my afternoon.


"She said that if you don't help me, she's coming to visit," the wolf sounded braver now that it had Rapunzel's words to repeat.


I eyed the wolf blankly, trying to decide just how I wanted to respond to that. Helping it would probably take a while—not to mention I'd be helping it… eww—but letting it fend for itself and having to deal with Rapunzel's, "How dare you not be kind to the animals!" speech later wouldn't improve my week any.


Although, if I did help it, people might think I was going soft. I'd be getting visitors left and right, each one demanding my attention and threatening me with Rapunzel if I refused. It was definitely easier to turn the wolf into a frog now and forget this ever happened.


"All right," I mused. "I'll give you a potion. Drink it when you see your Little Red Riding Hood, and she'll automatically find you irresistible. But before you do that, you have to find Rapunzel and tell her not to bother stopping by."


The wolf nodded fervently, "Of course! Of course!"


"What?" Leander leapt out from behind a bookshelf. "You're helping that thing? How dare you!"


"Down, kitty," I said absentmindedly, pulling two bottles off one of my many tables and mixing them together in a ceramic bowl. I added some lotus petals and poured the resulting potion into a new bottle. Corking it, I strolled back to where the wolf waited. At least it was smart enough not to enter my house uninvited. "Here. Now go find Rapunzel."


The wolf took the potion in its mouth, bid me a quick goodbye, and bolted off, obviously more than eager to get away from me. I smirked at its retreating form and closed the front door, heading back to my cauldron and hopping into the seat, taking the large stick in my hands once more.


"I can't believe you," Leander spat, glaring at me. "I give you my fur and you help a canine?!"


"Stop fussing," I told him sternly. "I didn't help him; I gave him a potion to turn him into a frog."


Leander froze, and a wicked grin spread over his face, revealing razor sharp fangs, "Ah-hah. A perfectly deceitful ploy. Now I know why I put up with you."


I snorted. He put up with me because I hadn't given him any other choice. But I let him think what he wanted.


No doubt Rapunzel would figure out what I'd done soon enough and come rapping on my door, but at least for now I had the peace and quiet I deserved after so many centuries of being the wicked witch. Pleased with my work, I returned to my spell book, finding the incantation and reciting it to the cauldron.


Oh yes. Retirement agreed with me.
Written a few years back, just for fun. :P The world they live in isn't really supposed to make sense, so don't think too hard about the whole "being assigned a fairy tale" thing. I haven't even figured out how it works.

This was inspired by this picture by Burari. Go look and favorite it, because it's ridiculously awesome. :D

[link]

Anyway, I'd love to know what you think! :)
© 2010 - 2024 fornwalt
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kriseaf's avatar
Cool. You uploaded this. :tmnt3:

(But now you can't use it in some applications/stuff, since it's technically "published" now...)